First Thoughts

Steven Wright

Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American comedian, actor and writer.

Red Sox Heath Hembree Joe Kelly Eduardo Rodriguez Alan Alda Aaron Sanchez Zeke Spruill Justin Masterson Clay Buchholz Roenis Elias Tim Wakefield Henry Owens Jessica Lange Steve Buscemi Mitch Hedberg Robbie Ross Jr Nobel Peace Prize

. A friend of mine has a trophy wife but apparently it wasn't for first place. - Steven Wright
"Hi, the reason I look and sound like this is that I'm practicing a Steven Wright impersonation I'm never going to use..."
I'm going to have to explain I'm doing a horrible Steven Wright impersonation for the party I'm hosting tomorrow night.
[You Don’t Know Football]But the trustworthy duo cracked. In the eight inning it was clear Koji …
Wright, Steven: "It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature"
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. - Steven Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?. -- Steven Wright
Now the bullpen should be fresh, really, Steven Wright and Clay Buchholz should go 8 innings against the Braves tonigh…
Betts, Wright Lead Red Sox to 6-2 Win Over the Astros: Steven Wright pitched into the seventh, and Mookie Betts…
Craig Kimbrel gets a Carlos Correa groundout to end a 6-2 Red Sox win over the Astros to start a 3-game series. Steven Wright is wondrous.
With Carlos Correa batting, wild pitch by Steven Wright, George Springer to 2nd.
A lot of fans are worried about slow start but can we talk about Steven Wright? This guy is starting off hot & I love it
Legendary comedian Steven Wright comes to on Apr 25. Read more via
very classy Chris of both Steven Wright to send you the gift & you to thank him. The public needs to see more of this! 😊
. Not given Steven Wright will be out of rotation once Eduardo Rodríguez returns -
Great outing for Aaron Sanchez, but another solid one for Steven Wright too. Wright has earned his keep as part of this rotation.
Little by little, Aaron Sanchez is seeing his fastball velocity drop. He'll be down to Steven Wright levels by the 14th inning.
Another excellent start by Steven Wright, doesn't deserve to go to the bullpen when Rodriguez returns
Seriously, I can't wait Eduardo Rodriguez comes back and people are actually going to go "Well we can't risk losing Steven Wright!!"
Really need Eduardo Rodriguez to come back soon so I don't have to see Steven Wright pitch every 5th day
At Lineups for at at 1:35 PM ET. Aaron Sanchez (0-0) vs. Steven Wright (0-1)
Steven Wright on the mound vs Aaron Sanchez & the today for game 3 of a 4 game series. (Red Sox lead series 2-0)
Yes! against the Red Sox at 1:35 ET at Fenway Park . Steven Wright against Aaron Sanchez.
This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered. french toast in the renaissance. -- Steven Wright, comedian
Steven Wright is the first MLB pitcher this season to throw as many as 118 pitches. Last year, Joe Kelly was the first to get there.
Someone pay for a one way ticket to Pawtucket for Clay Buchholz, Joe Kelly, and Steven Wright. Don't belong on a MLB roster.
This is the lineup John Farrell would rather have Steven Wright face than David Price.
I think you would travel back to 1980 and tell all the jokes later written by Emo Philips and Steven Wright.
Going from Steven Wright to David Price for the home opener is like upgrading from bosco stix to a T-bone steak
if Jay Wright is the Steven Wright of coaching, Bill Belichick is the trunk of props in a Carrot Top show
Steven Wright pulled after 5 2/3 w/ runners on the corners. Robbie Ross Jr. in to face Justin Smoak in a 2-2 game, bot 6th
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. -- Steven Wright
“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.” Steven Wright
So our actual No. 5 which is Rick Porcello will be our No. 4 and I think No. 5 should Steven Wright
Are you referring to Steven Wright and Roenis Elias?
Not a good day for Henry Owens as he competes for 5th rotation spot. Roenis Elias and Steven Wright also vying for the job.
Roenis Elias, Henry Owens, & Steven Wright are the candidates to replace Eduardo Rodriguez in the Red Sox rotation.
This girl is making Steven Wright look like Jack Nicholson!
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. - Steven Wright
Steven Wright: "I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
"Last night I was in a restaurant called Bulimia's. The line for the bathroom was incredible." Steven Wright
Kanesha: LOL I don't know how Steven Wright, the comedian stays so dead pan. Briana: My girlfriend and I are in a…
Only Steven Wright amount of days until the home opener! (35)
"Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have." -Steven Wright
I've noticed that a high percentage of pilots seem to have the vocal cadence of Steven Wright.
"I’m going to get a tattoo over my whole body of me but taller." - Steven Wright
“If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.” . ― Steven Wright 😂😂😂😂.
"The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me." ~Steven Wright |
I hate it when my leg falls sleep in the middle of the day, because that means it`ll be up all night. By Steven Wright
Experience is something you don't get untiljust after you need it -Steven Wright.
A lil humor: "If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."~Steven Wright. Smiles! Judy💜
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.- Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.-- Steven Wright
Steven Wright pitching for the Sox. Anywhere's walking distance if you have the time.
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright
"All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand." -Steven Wright. And the great ideas wonks repeat but never prove?
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a c - Read full quote @
When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
My office is so dry today that it's mumbling Steven Wright jokes.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese Steven Wright
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. -Steven Wright
"If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?" ~Steven Wright |
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. -Steven Wright
I almost had a pyschic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. By Steven Wright
I bought some batteries but they weren`t included, so I had to buy them again. By Steven Wright
He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now. -- Steven Wright
The Quotes of Steven Wright:. 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't...
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing. -Steven Wright
"The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost went back in time." -- Steven Wright
You can't have everything...where will you put it? -Steven Wright
YOU GOTTA LAUGH. “I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.” . ― Steven Wright
Horace and Pete. Where the ... what the ... Louis CK, Steve Buscemi, Alan Alda, Steven Wright, Jessica Lange ... great stuf…
Horace and Pete, in no particular order: Alan Alda, Steve Buscemi, Edie Falco, Jessica Lange, Steven Wright. How could you not want this?
I seriously thought Alan Alda was dead. has a pretty amazing cast, especially performances by Edie Falco and Steven Wright.
Alan Alda and Steven Wright talkin about Bambi, man
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Did I ever tell you guys that way back in the 1980s I saw Steven Wright in concert and the opening act was Randy Newman? True story.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? -- Steven Wright
The cast in Louie CK and Steve Buscemi's Horace & Pete is epic. Alan Alda, Steven Wright, and Jessica Lange all killing it. Worth the buy.
"I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!" ~Steven Wright
Craig Steven Wright should just change a bit the algo and create new alternative bitcoin ?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?- Steven Wright
Today's thread is about the best of Steven Wright, i don't call him a comedian, he's someone with a vast imagination. i'll share videos.
"I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering." - Steven Wright
"I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, " Got any shoes you're not using?" - Steven Wright.
Roger Federer is exactly what people want Tiger Woods to be at their respective career points.
I have an existential map; it has `you are here` written all over it. By Steven Wright
Ugh, we need a reseed pronto. Afraid we're going to miss out on Federer-Murray. Been the best two, but Raonic can reach the final.
Light travels faster than sound, isnt it why that some people appear bright until you hear them speak? - Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid...
Andy Halliday was released because he was too much a Rangers man by Steven Wright .
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright😃
♥If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? ~ Steven Wright
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. -- Steven Wright
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”. —Steven Wright
“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” . ― Steven Wright.
"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it." ~ Steven Wright
"If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving may not be for you.". -Steven Wright
roboko_001 I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and4 people died.-- Steven Wright
Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in? Someone's making a penny. (Steven Wright) ht…
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. Steven Wright
did Mitch Hedberg or Steven Wright make that list of comedians from the show this week?
I'd include Steven Wright, and to a lesser extent Brian Johnson.
Can't decide who is more dynamic: Steven Wright or Al Trautwig.
My friend George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk ~Steven Wright
did Steven Wright age 20 years since the season ended!?
Steven Wright: "I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
Okay Steven stop acting hard because your auto Correct is sorting all of your spelling out for you
Two Emerson College grads on stage at Comics Come Home. Dennis Leary and Steven Wright.
"I want to get a full-body tattoo of myself except taller.” - Steven Wright
Steven Wright: There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an ***
Gaffigan, Jim Norton, Robert Kelly, Joe Rogan are all great, Steven Wright another great one, Amy Schumer too.
If the season started today, I guess you could keep Joe Kelly in the bullpen with Steven Wright, and let Henry Owens open in the rotation
Really not much voice difference between a Steven Wright impression and a Coach Pagano lookalike do the Stanky Leg on the dance cam.
When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."-- Steven Wright
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' Steven Wright
"I just put instant coffee in the microwave and I think I went back in time." - Steven Wright
"The imagination is the golden pathway to everywhere.". -Steven Wright.
I just got out of the hospital after a speed reading accident.I hit a bookmark.-- Steven Wright
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? ~ Steven Wright
Steven Wright would be the king of filibusters
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"I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific." Steven Wright
Comedians? Not really. Steven Wright, for instance, looks like he's paying homage to Ron Palillo.
"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." - Steven Wright. //cc
faced Chris Sale twice this year, starting Steven Wright and a fresh-off-the-DL Rick Porcello. They won both games.
Yeah that was good. Steven Wright delivery with an Andy Kaufman surrealism. I’m going to watch her HBO special tonight.
GIF: If you can't catch Steven Wright's Knuckleball, you definitely can't hit it.
Steven Wright out on a sacrifice bunt, pitcher Justin Nicolino to second baseman Dee Gordon. Jackie Bradley Jr. to 2nd.
I didn't know the Red Sox had called up Steven Wright.
Pat and Jake's Sox Take: the Napoli trade, Steven Wright, Blake Swihart, and more.
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? -Steven Wright
“I need a baby monitor that goes from my subconscious to my consciousness, so I can tell what the *** I’m thinking.” Steven Wright
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home. Steven Wright
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. - Steven Wright
'Study nature. Love nature. Stay close to nature. It will never fail you' - Frank Lloyd Wright
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. - Steven Wright
[Boston Herald] - Steven Wright leads Red Sox to win over Yankees
[Mass Live] - Steven Wright's value to Boston Red Sox longterm can be Tim Wakefield-like because he has the talent
[ESPN Boston: Red Sox Blog] - Steven Wright on the way up after nearly choosing a way out
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.~ Steven Wright
If he's done, this becomes the best outing Steven Wright has ever thrown in the major leagues, surpassing his last outing.
Steven Wright (8IP R 4H 9K) is WE's Box-Toppers AL Player of the Day. Top player from each of WE's games—
On This Day in History-August 6,2013 - With knuckleballer Steven Wright making his first major league...
Steven Wright strikes out 9 and allows just 1 run over 8 IP as Red Sox beat Yankees, 2-1.
Robbie Ross Jr. replaces Steven Wright, who made basically one mistake tonight in the first inning
I'm pretty sure after being outpitched by Steven Wright, Sale could be traded for maybe Kelly and Craig.
Adam Eaton steps in against Steven Wright, and White Sox are under way after 51 minute delay.
With Chris Sale on hill, (49-50) try to make it 8 wins in a row, against Steven Wright, Red Sox (44-58):
Cruz adds to his team in Iowa and South Carolina. Jake Dagel joins Iowa team and Steven Wright joins South Carolina team.
today announced the hire of Jake Dagel as Iowa senior field director and Steven Wright as S.C. low country field director.
Thanks to and Steven Wright who have both just pledge to our project. All welcome on our walk up snowdon w… featured in NBC s Science of Love
Red Sox who make more than John Lackey this season: Robbie Ross, Sandy Leon (DFA), Tommy Layne, Steven Wright ...oh, the *** with it.
Steven Wright only got to pitch at Angel Stadium in high school because Mike Carp played Pepper before a game ...
Steven Wright is pitching correct, perhaps Dangerous Doug Mirabelli is on board
Buchholz, Rodriguez, Miley, Porcello and ... B Johnson? Steven Wright? Not a fan of trying Masterson or Kelly anymore tbh
Edgar Duran even gets a hit off Steven Wright, but Logan Moore out at the plate. 5-0 top 2. Buchanan back out there.
plan on moving Brandon Workman to the starting rotation for the series against Texas, RHP Steven Wright will be considered a spot
On the mound today in the Red Sox minors. Steven Wright- Pawtucket. Kyle Kraus- Portland. Ty Buttrey- Salem. Reed Reiley- Greenville
Id give a lot to have a voice like Morgan Freeman or Steven Wright
Trade proposal- Joe Smelly and Rick Poorsmello to Pawtucket for Steven Wright and a bag of balls.
Steven Wright, Dennis Miller, Tom Kenney (voice of spongebob) and Jim Krenn. Those were the days.
Alex Rios welcomes Steven Wright into the game with a ringing single to LF.
Click here to support Extreme Makeover - Mendoza Field by Steven Wright
"He was an East German Sheppard. Very, very disciplined!" Steven Wright
you Steven Wright, Ron Shock, Robin Williams and George Carlin are the only comedians to ever make laugh out loud.
Red Sox take out Eduardo Rodriguez after giving up 8 runs. First pitch from Steven Wright is a two-run home run.
T5 (so far) Colabello scores on Martin RBI-2B; RHP Steven Wright for Eduardo Rodriguez; Valencia due up; 8-0 TOR;
"I wrote a few children's books...not on purpose." . -- Steven Wright
and Wakefield just works with Steven Wright
Please do not make us watch Joe Kelly start another game. Steven Wright is more deserving.
Steven Wright, Patton Oswalt & More Added to Mondavi Center for the Performing Arts' Schedule... .
L.I. in the A.M.'s Spotlight Segment has comedian, Steven Wright on with Jay right now!.
Sarah Anker and Steven Wright are on today's L.I. in the A.M. show. Be sure to tune in. It all starts at 8!
Screw it, just start Steven Wright on the four days Eduardo Rodriguez isn't pitching.
Steven Wright coming in relief with his knuckles reminds one of Tim Wakefield
Clay Buchholz is beyond 70 pitches with nobody out in the fourth inning. Steven Wright is warming in the bullpen.
Joe Kelly will remain in rotation and start Friday. Steven Wright to bullpen
Joe Kelly deserves to be in this rotation over Steven Wright no doubt
Joe Kelly or Steven Wright for 5th spot in rotation? -
FWIW Leave Joe Kelly in the rotation. Steven Wright can be valuable in so many ways.
Safe to say either Steven Wright or Joe Kelly will shift to the bullpen in the coming days, making Kelly's outing today especially important
Time to take Steven Wright out of the game
Also, Steven Wright is knuckling for BOS and I really believed for a second it was Tim Wakefield. And by a second, I mean 30 seconds.
Steven Wright's come a long way since he & Marc Andre Lavarnway teamed up to slap more balls against the backstop than a Kardashian's chin
can go to .500 with a win. Steven Wright will start in place of Justin Masterson who is on the DL.This will be Wright's first start.
In more news,SP Justin Masterson is on the DL. Steven Wright will replace him. Wright has thrown in 2 games for the Sox this season.
Steven Wright will be replacing Justin Masterson on Sunday night to ends the series with the Mariners. Red Sox claim "good, short move."
blank Syracuse 4-0 behind Steven Wright (7 IP) and Zeke Spruill (2 IP). Matt Barnes to mound on Friday vs Durham at 6:15 pm at McCoy
4, Syracuse 0 here at McCoy Stadium. Steven Wright and Zeke Spruill combine on a 6-hit shutout in a tidy 2:24.
Zeke Spruill on to pitch the 8th for Final line on Steven Wright -- 7 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 7 K, 114 pitches/70 strikes.
Boston recall knuckleballer Steven Wright; Heath Hembree optioned back to Triple-A Pawtucket
Steven Wright is back with the Sox after being recalled from AAA, Heath Hembree back down.
Steven Wright back up, Heath Hembree back down for Boston
The Red Sox have recalled Steven Wright from Triple-A Pawtucket and optioned Heath Hembree back to Pawtucket today... --Admin Markley
Steven Wright in, Heath Hembree out. And there's your pitching move du jour
.call up prospect Steven Wright from option Heath Hembree. Top 30 list:
.recall RHP Steven Wright from Triple-A Pawtucket; option RHP Heath Hembree to Pawtucket.
today recalled RHP Steven Wright from Triple-A Pawtucket. To make room on 25-man roster, RHP Heath Hembree optioned to…
announce they have recalled Steven Wright; optioned Heath Hembree to Triple-A.
Feels like we will be seeing Tommy Layne and Steven Wright tomorrow with Hembree and Ross to AAA.
Guessing Hembree gets in the revolving door back to Pawtucket. Steven Wright could return.
I can't believe I just watched the entire 1985 Steven Wright HBO comedy special on YouTube.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.Steven Wright. 😊
Steven Alan Wright has a show on 05/02/2015 at 05:30 PM @ La Playa Me... in Corpus Christi, TX
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. - Steven Wright
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Steven Wright
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
I was born by Cesarean section. You'd never know it. But, whenever I leave my house, I go through the window." ~ Steven Wright
Thought it was interesting that looks like they have Steven Wright on the drums too. Not very funny tho:
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.Steven Wright
At McCoy Stadium for home opener. Steven Wright on the mound, opposed by Taylor Rogers for the Rochester Red Wings.
option RHP Steven Wright to activate Joe Kelly from the DL, as expected.
Who else did Steven Wright give a heart attack to?
I've got knuckleballer Steven Wright on one screen and non-knuckleballer Craig Kimbrel on the other. Contrasting approaches.
It's after midnight, so we now see Allen Craig pinch-hitting and Steven Wright warming in the bullpen.
If needed, the can get six innings out of Steven Wright. Probably getting optioned tomorrow anyway.
Steven Wright to get Saturday start against Yankees - WEEI blog Rob Bradford
I met my latest girl friend in a department store. She was looking at clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators. -- Steven Wright
Nope! They have Steven Wright! As if the rotation isn't a big enough joke as it is.
Talking to comedy legend Steven Wright later today for He'll be at the Wilbur next weekend.
“I'm writing a book. I'm almost finished. I numbered the pages. Now all I have to do is fill them in.” ― Steven Wright …
W/ shootaround 2day at Emerson College, remembering old friend Conrad Smith. Called it "The Big E" & was 2nd famous grad to Steven Wright.
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business. Steven Wright
All I really want is an XM comedy channel thay only plays Mitch Hedberg, Demetri Martin, Steven Wright, and Brian Regan.
Season 2 of Serial should just be Sarah Koenig reading Steven Wright jokes.
‘I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.’ --Steven Wright
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I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
My distributor and radio promotion people just put this out and I had to share: "We are pretty excited about the latest release by James Lee Stanley (his 27th) and The Apocaloptimist is the crowning jewel. James is not your typical artist by any means. All his releases have read like a who's who of pop, rock and blues with contributing artists like Bonnie Raitt, Sheila Escovito, Rita Coolidge, Robben Ford, Larry Carlton, Stephen Bishop, Russ Kunkel (James Taylor), Jim Gordon (Derek & the Dominos), Timothy B Schmit (Eagles), John Densmore and Robby Krieger (The Doors)...the list goes on and on and their participation is a testament to the calibre of music that James Lee creates. He has toured with most of the greats including Robin Williams, Steven Wright, Bonnie Raitt, Chick Corea, Art Garfunkel, Freddie Hubbard, Jorma Kaukenon... you get the idea. First featured in the Universal Syndicate's Cathy cartoon strip, James Lee went on to score all three of the CBS-TV Prime Time Specials, one of which won an .. ...
[1/2] Craig Ferguson to Steven Wright: "In 10 years I've never heard you talk so much." Cause you're usually talking about yourself!
Remember the Joe Pesci character from Lethal Weapon? Two woman talking @ next table make him seem like Steven Wright
"I was driving & saw a guy hitch hiking on the side of the road holding a sign that said heaven, so I hit him" Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the. road an hour. -- Steven Wright
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?". -- Steven Wright
"The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter." -- Steven Wright
(November ’99) Boston, MA – Orpheum Theatre – 5th Annual Comics Come Home – a stand-up comedy benefit for the Cam Neely Foundation hosted by Denis Leary featuring Jim Breuer, Dane Cook, Janeane Garofalo, Jay Mohr & Jon Stewart … ridiculously FUN(NY) night … it didn’t take us long to make some new, rather high-profile friends … Dane Cook – who stole one of OUR jokes as a result of what happened in a taxi we later shared with him – ‘You know you're drunk when you think that the cab fare is the time!’ and Steven Wright – who I love for his role in ‘Half Baked’ as ‘The Guy on the Couch’ – he affectionately dubbed one of us ‘Candy Selfish’ … ah, the memories!!!
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. - Steven Wright
A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory. ~ Steven Wright
Steven Wright continues to impress me every time I see him pitch
I plugged my phone in where my blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aa. Steven Wright. I love it. John Gross...
Quoter: I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters - Steven Wright
on the mound today in the Red Sox minors. Pawt: Steven Wright. Port: Keith Couch. Salem: Cody Kukuk. Green: Jamie Callahan. Lowell: Kevin McAvoy
The Orleans has Steven Wright, Don Rickles, Frank Caliendo, and Dana Carvey all lined up for later this year? Finally, things go my way.
First pitch swinging, Avisail Garcia lines a Steven Wright knuckleball to left for a single.
The genius of Ben Cherington's move today to option Alex Wilson & recall Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film ~ Steven Wright ~ GoodMorning
if you love Louie then Patton Oswalt, Marc Maron, Sarah Silvermans 2013 HBO Special, some classics like Steven Wright, etc
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright is a really funny comedic >>
"I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6." — Steven Wright
"I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property. " — Steven Wright
"When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety." — Steven Wright
"You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time." — Steven Wright Exactly! That's my life.
"The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows." — Steven Wright
Steven Alan Wright has a show on 06/08/2014 at 06:30 PM @ Doc's Se... in Corpus Christi, TEXAS
"The doctor says he has to amputate all of me." — Steven Wright
"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it." — Steven Wright
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"I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I didn’t have that much time." — Steven Wright
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. ~Steven Wright
Steven Wright this is our new house
Tonight we get CRAZY at Sutra! TIME TO UNLEASH A MAD FIRE BLAST! Free Guestlist Before 10:30PM if you say Steven Wright. Don't be late (9:45PM arrival suggested) Get ready to RAGE your FACE OFF!
Keenen Ivory Wayans: Well, Steven Wright, I thought you were a little too laid back. Your mumbling was distracting. Idk it didnt work for me
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see 'em at the beach. Pisses me off. ― Steven Wright
Internet marketing making wines at home, however I allow it to be out of raisins, so itll be older automatically. ― Steven Wright
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