Groucho Marx & Oscar Wilde

Julius Henry Groucho Marx (October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977) was an American comedian and film star famed as a master of wit. Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde (16 October 1854 – 30 November 1900) was an Irish writer and poet. 5.0/5

Groucho Marx Oscar Wilde Mark Twain Winston Churchill Clarence Darrow Ernest Hemingway William Faulkner George Bernard Shaw Abraham Lincoln Moses Hadas Stephen Bishop Brigitte Bardot Johnny Carson Joan Collins George Bernard Ambrose Bierce Edna Ferber

Some classic insults for your enjoyment: "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "He is not only dull himself; He is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
Sarcastic Quotes: "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence." - Ashleigh Brilliant "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." - Groucho Marx "The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech." - George Bernard Shaw "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "Weather forecast for tonight: dark." - George Carlin "You see, money's not everything in life is it? But it keeps you in touch with your children..." - Johnnie Casson "The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese." - Steven Wright "What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?" - Fred Allen "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." - Lily Tomlin "Reader, s ...
Search History's Greatest Replies Any attempt to compile history's greatest replies—or history's greatest anything, for that matter—is fraught with difficulty, so it might be more accurate to refer to the replies that follow as simply my all-time favorites. Most of them come from people whose names will be very familiar to you, and I think you will agree that the comebacks and retorts here are very special. All of them—along with many, many hundreds more—appear in my Viva la Repartee book. arrow John Barrymore arrow Robert Benchley arrow Niels Bohr arrow Truman Capote arrow Johnny Carson arrow Winston Churchill arrow Marc Connelly arrow Calvin Coolidge arrow Edna Ferber arrow W. C. Fields arrow Mohandas Gandhi arrow Alfred Hitchcock arrow Pope John XXIII arrow John F. Kennedy arrow Chico Marx arrow Groucho Marx arrow Dorothy Parker arrow Babe Ruth arrow George Bernard Shaw arrow Mark Twain arrow Voltaire arrow Mae West arrow James McNeill Whistler arrow Oscar Wilde arrow John Wilkes John Barrymore ...
THOUGHTS, QUOTES & FUNNIES ... for a Tuesday: (On beauty & ugliness): A narcissist is someone better looking than you are (Ambrose Bierce) I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want - an adorable pancreas? (Jean Kerr) You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen - which doesn't say much for you (Groucho Marx) The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich & getting progressively poorer (Joan Collins) Why is it that the winner of the Miss Universe contest always comes from earth? (Rich Hall) I was so handsome that women became spellbound when I came into view. In San Francisco, in rainy seasons, I was frequently mistaken for a cloudless day (Mark Twain) Alain Delon is beautiful, but so is the Louis XVI commode I have (Brigitte Bardot) It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But it is better to be good than to be ugly (Oscar Wilde) 'Extreme Makeovers' takes an ugly *** person &, in an hour they are beautiful. Isn't that what a si ...
“We read to know that we are not alone.” ― William Nicholson “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” ― Groucho Marx “Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.” ― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid “If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.” ― Oscar Wilde “It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.” ― Oscar Wilde “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” ― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut! like “Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read.” ― Mark Twain “What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. Tha . ...
Oscar Wilde, Groucho Marx, Noel Coward, Peter Sellers, Peter Cook.Ever get the feeling you wish you'd come along earlier
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